“It’s beautiful when you find someone that is in love with your mind. Someone that wants to undress your conscience and make love to your thoughts. Someone that wants to watch you slowly take down all the walls you’ve built up around your mind and let them inside.”
– (via psych-facts)
This post is probably not even going to make much sense but I feel like I need to write somewhere and its mostly intended for me and to get a little waaaaa out so apologies if you actually read this.
Last year, early on, I had the rug literally pulled out from underneath me in terms on a relationship that I was personally very very happy in. He finished it very suddenly and I was really hurt. (Lots of mind games afterwards as well. I always remember his words; ‘I love you, and I want to be with you, but its more that that….. I never quite understood that.
I know you shouldnt take shit into your next relationship but sometimes I feel a sense of dread and need a little bit of reassurance that my current boyf isn’t thinking of doing the same. Stupid little phrases he says which is intended as a joke go down like a lead balloon with me sometimes because my brain is like ‘Oh crap, this is how it went before’.
Im not saying my current is anything like my past, but the brain learns from experience and this particular experience is in-bedded in quite a lot because of the emotional scarring.
Its so shit how much damage one person can do to you and how much your ‘flight or fight’ response kicks in.
“She is a year ago.
She is the ache in the empty,
the first time you changed your mind
and the last time you were sorry about it.
She is a city sleeping beside you,
warm and vast and familiar, streetlights
yawning and stretching,
and you have never. You have never.
You have never loved someone like this.
She is your first stomach ache.
Your first panic attack and your
favorite cold shower.
A mountain is moving somewhere
inside of you, and her handprints are all over it.
Here. Here. Here, you love her.
In the fractured morning, full of
too tired and too sad, she is the first
foot that leaves the bed.
She is the fight in you, the winning
and the losing battle
floating like a shipwreck in your chest.
When they ask you what your favorite moment is,
You will say Her.
You will always say Her.”
– Caitlyn Siehl, “Her, Her, Her” (via mrsfscottfitzgerald)